I’ve hit a block, and not just a writer’s block…..a life block, a creative block, a motivation block. I always swore to myself that I would try my hardest not to fall into that stereotypical ‘motherhood’ role where all you are is a mom. Unfortunately it is, to some degree, an unavoidable fate. And you know what? That’s okay, it really is, but some days are harder to convince myself of that than others. You know, those days where it feels like you’re just going in circles cleaning around the house in a never ending cycle. Then there’s times where I tell myself it’s okay to let it be dirty, do something else. Then I inadvertently put myself into what I call a limbo. I have some energy, I feel like I ‘should’ be cleaning but I don’t want to, but I then feel like I don’t have enough time, or don’t have any inspiration to do any of my hobbies, so there I set thinking about what I should do in a sort of paralyzed state, and I end up wasting time by doing neither. Then the guilt! Where did this guilt come from about always needing to be productive within the house?
I’ve been thinking though, maybe I’ll start something with baby steps. Maybe committing to do 5 minutes a day of art. It sounds simple but it can be challenging with four whirlwinds of chaos! Perhaps a bit of un-structuring? Learning to let the mess be. Eh, that one might be more challenging. The thing is, us as moms deserve to feel like us again, to enjoy life. Not to be swallowed by the generic mediocrity of day to day life. This is certainly one of the toughest, most rewarding journeys that I have been on. I look forward to what each new day brings. On that note though, I know it’s important to still keep your self-identity. Mothers can multi-task like…well a mother! So it’s time to do better at caring for the family unit, and caring for myself. And I’m just here thinking out loud, but consider it a self pep talk ;).
