Marriage, or any partnership, is more than cuddles on the couch, or strolls on the beach. It is also, as I’m sure you have heard over and over again, learning and dealing with the darkest or hardest parts of each other. However, something else that I have found as a very important building block of marriage, the same as learning each other’s love language, is learning each other’s stress responses. I have found this to be a very crucial part of my marriage.
I am the type of person that tends to do everything myself, especially when Im under stress. If I see something that needs to get done, I will get it done one way or the other. I don’t always love to ask for help, I can be stubborn, so when I do it is kind of a you get one chance from me, then I’m going to do it. In a relationship though, this can lead to resentment, feelings that the partner is not listening or hearing your concerns. I tend to bottle up and take care of my own emotions because, “I’m a strong independent woman!” right? One thing I love about my husband is he is kind of the opposite. He loves to talk things out, sometimes maybe too much. Regardless, he pushes me to voice what and how I am feeling, even if it may hurt his feelings. I still struggle, because I also just don’t want anything I’m feeling or thinking to permeate the mood and stress anyone else out. I tend to want to make sure everyone is comfortable.
I tell you what though, when Taylor sees that I start closing up and trying to tend to things on my own, he sits me down and asks what is on my mind. He makes me fully discuss the things weighing heavy on my mind and shoulders. Him being able to recognize my flight or fight response is a huge benefactor of our relationship. I end up being able to calmly speak with him, and by the end of it I always feel the weight lift off of my shoulders, my jaw unclench, and the life come back to me. He reminds me that we are in this together, and that I don’t need to do everything alone.
