When we started our family we were fairly set on stopping at 3. We found out the news we were pregnant with baby number 3 and treated it like it would be our last. We decided to wait to find out the gender until she was born, which was so fun since she was the tie-breaker! As we went through all the firsts I really savored them as if they were our last firsts. In hindsight, I think every baby should be treated this way. It gives you so much appreciation and connection with your little one. Fast-forward a couple of years down the road and we approached the possibility of if we were really done.
The thing is, although we semi-planned on being a family of five, we were never really closed off to the idea of a 4th. What we were certain of is that we didn’t want anymore than 4 kiddos. We started the debate of if we wanted to have one more or not. I mean we REALLY debated, for months. We considered all the things. We wanted one more boy, especially a little brother for our oldest son. And on that note, we didn’t want the age gap between our oldest son and a potential 4th child to be too large, especially if it was a boy, so this decision was in a bit of a time crunch.
We considered the obstacles of traveling, eating out, etc. You can fit a family of five most places, but once you upgrade to six it becomes a bit trickier. We also had to consider the cost of activities, daycare, etc. which in this day and age is getting increasingly frustrating to navigate. You hear all sorts of advice when you are making this decision. One of the most common things we’ve heard is ‘after three it’s all the same, so what’s one more?’ While I understand the humor, I would think that piece of advice would be a reason to NOT have one more. I don’t want to treat any child as ‘just one more’. Another consideration for us was our ‘village’ or lack there of, because who has a village anymore? The more children you have the less people want to babysit for you.
One of the best pieces of advice we received is to picture yourself at the dinner table in the future. Does it feel complete? Or do you feel like something is missing? I think this resonated with us quite a bit. I also just didn’t feel ‘done’, and we did feel like there was someone missing. We finally pulled the trigger. It took some trying, and we put somewhat of a deadline on it (if we didn’t get pregnant by a certain time then we would take it as a sign).
Here we are now, with 4 beautiful children. Although it is a lot, and I mean a lot. It is busy, it is demanding, it is stressful, wild, chaotic, and more, I would not change it. I now really truly feel done. I know my limits! Our older 3 absolutely adore their baby brother, and they even help care for him. It’s still bittersweet to be ending a chapter in our lives, but I am excited to move on to the next.
